hot coffee girl

Well, The Road Trip of '08 is over and I am back at work. It's rainy and Monday and I am not happy about either. I am ready to go again, but I know that's not going to happen. Well, this week, at least.

In the meantime...I will share with you things that I learned along the way:

• Florida is full of sweaty, sticky children who like to eat candy.
• That Emeril can really cook.
• Savannah is a gorgeous city.
• Work is just a job and caring about it so much that you neglect other parts of your life/make yourself sick/think that it’s anything more than just a job is just really dumb.
• I love Thomas the GPS. He gets me wherever I need to go and I don't have to think about it. 
• The Appalachian Mountains are very curvy to drive on, but really really beautiful.
• I like to knit.
• There is something to be said for having two days of bright sunshine and good tunes and wide open road ahead of you.
• There is no place like home.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

...

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here." 

...

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt. He says to the bartender, "I'll take a beer and one for the road." 

...

A giraffe walks into a bar. "High balls are on me!"

...

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks. 

...

A dyslexic walks into a bra. 

...

Your turn. Go. 

You know that if I am going to imbed a YouTube Video on my site, it's going to be a good one. No, It's not Avitable and his milkshake...but it's pretty good. Let me caution you that this French PSA promoting AIDS awareness is not even remotely safe for work. But it is so brilliant. And before you wonder what the hell this really has to do with preventing HIV, the slogan at the end of the French version translates as "Live long enough to find the right one" ... which I guess puts the escapades into an HIV/AIDS setting even better than the English message shown here. Don't worry...the cartoon is the same.

You know how when someone doesn’t publish a new post for four days, you think that maybe their next one will be brilliant?

Not fucking likely.

Dave does bullet point Sundays, but since I am both a rebel and always a little late, you get it late Monday afternoon. Deal.

• My Dad’s birthday is Wednesday, and yesterday we all packed in the car and went up to Detroit to gamble, eat too much, and generally cause trouble in his honor. I did not win big (meaning: at all), but we had a great time, and laughed a whole bunch. Plus, he won $500 bucks on my machine (we switched seats because he couldn’t get the one he sat down at to work), so I figure that I don’t really need to get him anything for his birthday now.

• I got to catch up with my brother and his fiancé on the ride up…I cannot fully grasp that their wedding is only like 5 months away. They are getting married at the MGM in Vegas, which totally kicks ass. (My family does do other things besides gamble, by the way. We just don’t enjoy them as much.) I have been a terrible Maid of Honor to this point, though…I need to get this bachelorette party planned! Suggestions welcome.

• I had coffee and good conversation with a darling friend this morning. I think she’s one of the loveliest people I know, and I am looking forward to her and her husband coming over for dinner tonight to help eat the very large Chicago-style pizza toted home from aforementioned Detroit.

• Other than this morning’s coffee, I am becoming a terrible friend. I feel like I never have enough time at home, and I am unmotivated and selfish when I am. (Well, actually I am that way all the time, but it becomes exacerbated when I am home 2-3 days out of 7.) I talk to Ali every day, and I saw her this morning before coffee…but it is not enough. I have to keep up on Snog through a series of text messages and e-mails, and she certainly must hate me more than normal. (Side note: for those of you who are missing out on gossip since she stopped blogging, she is fine. She spent the weekend in NYC with the Wood Carpenter. Kate Winslet’s kids kept her up all night with their antics. Need more? Yeah-go ask her.) Anyhow, I am still working in the Pitts for the next coupla months, so I will continue to apologize to those I love, and hope that I have friends come the spring.

• My apartment is a mess. I should be cleaning instead of writing. Maybe I’ll just take a nap instead. And dream of maid service.

• I like Starbuck's coffee. Fucking sue me.

Yes, there are those of you who were ready for Christmas when the Thanksgiving turkey hit the table. You had your cards out the day after, and your tree up and your presents wrapped by the close of the weekend. You have probably been spending your days since then baking perfect cookies, and sitting around in your prepared smugness humming carols. Fuck you.

In case you are among the others…the ones who are still frantically thinking of gift ideas…look no further. I am here to help you find that something perfect for even the most finicky folks on your list.

For the Cubicle Jockey in your life, nothing says, “I understand” like a coffee mug. This splendid little number from The Onion will help them tell their co-workers how they feel without having to say a word.

Know someone who is the Ultimate in Retro-Geek Chic? Then this Blue Tooth Handset is something that I think even Dave would approve of.

For that special someone who’s put on a little weight this year, nothing says “Porky” like a bottle of Fat Bastard Wine. Trust me-I have given as a heartfelt gift in the past.

For the meat-eater/world traveler who has everything, consider a gift certificate to the Four Seasons in Jakarta, where a diner can buy a $110 hamburger. Don’t expect to mix with the locals, though, as the average wage in most parts of the Indonesia is around $40 a month.

I hope this helps with your last-minute panic.