hot coffee girl

Heh. For some reason, Mr. Joe thought I was interesting enough to interview. (He's drunk a lot, from what I understand.) Go, go. Check it out.

Here's an excerpt:

Sum up what your blog is about for us.
Everyday life, my own personal quest for truth, the writers I read, that bitch who cut me off in traffic this morning…it’s all there in eye-bursting green.

What do people commonly say about your site?
That it doesn’t suck as bad as Avitable’s.
That and I am totally a waste of talent.

As 2006 draws to a close, we tend to look back over the year with nostalgia, sweetness, or regret. And we look toward the next twelve months with anticipation, dread, or full of hope. We make resolutions to be healthier, to keep in better touch with our family and friends, or even to write that book that has been silently whispering to us in the back of our heads. Maybe we’ll take up a new hobby. Maybe we’ll get a better job or go back to school. Maybe we’ll vow to give more to charity. Maybe we’ll just try to worry less and smile more.

It’s been almost a year since I have started this blog. I have met some wonderful people. I have read some brilliant writers. I have laughed and cried with you all, and you have done the same with me.

Whether you choose to look at the coming of another year with a bit of wistful eyed magic, or dismiss it as just another day…

Here’s wishing you a beautiful 2007. Thank you for sharing your lives with me. Thank you for giving me an audience. Thank you for being my critics, my support system, my inspiration, and my laughter. Thank you most of all for being my friends. I feel truly blessed.

I promise to make the next year even better than the last.

This is a rant that is specific to my neighborhood, but for all of you outside of Tremont...I will give you the backstory.

I live in an adorable little neighborhood in Cleveland. I love that you can walk around and see the city's skyline above the old buildings. I love the architecture of the churches. I love the tree-lined streets and the character of the people. It is filled with great shops, galleries, bars, and some of the best restaurants in the city. My apartment is above one of those galleries and I love it, despite the embarrassing rent. Now, when I moved in I was aware that that steep rent did not include off-street parking. (There is a carriage house and beautiful little garden behind the old house that makes is impossible to park there.) I also knew that parking on the street in Tremont could be challenging at best and a nightmare on the weekends because of the number of people that attend all of the wonderful attractions that I was telling you about.

Those people are not my complaint. 

One of the business owners is. There is a restaurant, Fahrenheit, on my block that is the issue at hand. It is a very nice restaurant, from what I understand. (I have never been able to bring myself to eat there, for reasons that will soon become evident.)

But the owner and head chef? He is a bit of a wank. He generally behaves as if he owns the entire neighborhood. Or at least the street in front of it. He parks his massive truck anywhere he wants, including in front of fire hydrants when it suits him. And although the restaurant has one (ONE) spot on at the end of the street that is designated by the city as a legal valet drop-off zone, there are often valet cones set up that block off a good three or four spots. And that is not even the worst of it. They charge their patrons $5 to have their cars valet parked....and then PARK THE CARS ON THE STREET. On any given night, between the three or four spaces that are (wrongfully) taken up by the cones, and the spots on the street that are taken up by the valets parking the patrons cars back on that same street, people who live near there may be forced to park blocks away. Now, it is my understanding that it is illegal to charge people to park them in public spots. Hell, I have seen the valet guys park customer's cars in front of the goddamn fire hydrant. Look, Rocco, it's bad enough that YOU do it...but do you really think that your customers would be thrilled to know that your employees are breaking the law with their cars? I doubt it.

I also feel bad for the shops and galleries that are right next to the restaurant. No way could a customer find a spot close to these places if they wanted to pop in and do some quick shopping. (I am only conjecturing, as neither one of these business owners have ever said anything to me about this...this is solely my opinion.)

The other night, after a two-hour drive from Pittsburgh, I was tired and just wanted to get home and put on some comfortable clothes and pet the puppy. I drove around the block(s) twice looking for a spot. When I couldn't find one, I pulled in front of the restaurant, despite the orange cones that were taking up all four-five spots in front of the place. The valet guy came to open my door, and I kindly told him that I am not a diner, but that I live here, and this is not a legal valet spot. He said, "Can't you see the cones?!" I replied, "Yes, I can. But putting out a cone does not make this a legal spot." He then mumbled something along the lines of, "Fine, be a bitch." I told him that he should go talk to the real bitch in the kitchen and quit taking up so many damn spots.  

I just get more popular every day. 

Scene: Office Max, Calendars and Planners Isle

Me: So, you knew this would take a while, right?
Him: Yeah. I did.
Me: Okay then.
Him: You know, I’ll bet if they dusted this isle for fingerprints, yours would be on something like 90% of these planners.
Me: Yes. But this is important. I have a whole year to use this thing. I don’t want to pick the wrong one.
Him: What’s that there in your hand?
Me: This? Oh, just one I am considering.
Him: Isn’t that the same one you end up getting every year? I mean, after you go to like six different stores?
Me: Uh, yeah. It is. So?
Him: So ... could we save some time and just get that?

I did. And later that night at Border’s, I found a better one that I bought.

Good thing I saved the receipt from Office Max.

Hope your Holiday is filled with surprises.